Relationship Advice: Reality Check Part One

"We are all wanting and are good. Sometimes however, we are unfortunate to encounter people who are not. Do not blame those people for the decisions made. Look to an experience, learn and better yourself. It's not what happens, you what you do about it."

--PrettyChiq






So let's begin.

1. A person will change only when he or she wants to--just because you see good and potential in them means that person sees the same.

In our desire to better ourselves, we automatically strive to bring our friends, partners and family along with us--STOP! Everyone is not interested in a journey to self-righteousness; they are comfortable and happy in their ways--LEAVE THEM ALONE! Trying to change people or altering their ways only causes you distress.





My story: In my quest to help myself, I strived to help my ex (financially, no....emotionally, yes). In this attempt, I was only confronted with the harsh reality: 'People change only when they want to.' I was forced to realize I have wasted all those years on an empty person. In my attempt to help him, I found myself in a web of drama and stupidity.

My father always said, "You can take a camel to the well, but cannot force that camel to drink." I did not understand that concept till recently. I could not understand how a man I saw so much potential in would limit himself. It never donned upon me that a journey as a couple cannot be fulfilled till each individual partner find the path to his or her own self-discovery. Forcing my principles, beliefs and desires on my ex only left me heart-shattered.

2. People are selfish and are willing to go through lengths to maintain whatever deception they have created.



I was talking to a friend of mine and she could not understand why she kept finding herself in the similar relationships. I had to be honest with her and let her know, 'people are who they are and they tend not to change.' Too often people complain about their exes---I was not different. It was not till my ex looked me in the eyes and said to me, "You know the type of person I am;" did I realize I really did know who he was.



When we meet someone, they show us who they are. A man who is not affectionate beginning will not grow into an affectionate man. A cheater will not grow into a faithful man. Expecting your significant other to change would be like asking an apple to turn into an orange or a dog to morph into a cat--it's highly improbable. People come with their own personalities and nature; some people are just naturally devious. I am firm believer that a devious person needs an equally devious person; a good person needs an equally great person. I do not understand why different personality types try to meet; you will clash. If you are currently in a relationship with someone and only feels resentment hurt and pain, that person is not for you.






3. The person for you will complete you--that person make strive towards self-improvement.



I was sitting in youth discussion at my church and I would never forget what the speaker said. He said, "You're husband or wife will be your help-meet.' He continued to tell us how devious he was and extremely disrespectful to women--then he met his wife. She was not the prettiest of his 'many women' nor the most skinny of them all he informed us; if anything, he informed us her hair and smile were her best features. Then why tell you this story? He approached her; his intentions to 'beat' (have sex). He asked her on a date and she informed him the only place he could take her was to her church....she stumbled him.

My speaker informed us, his wife was the first woman he met that stood firm for her beliefs and did not sway. She did not drop her standards. She did not say, "I'm a woman of God, I do not...." His wife lived through her beliefs. I understand all my readers are not religious, and my blog is not to convert you. I used my speaker's story because there are some very important points involved in his story. First point is, the one you love will love you. Love does not seek to hurt each other; and while not perfect, it is forgiving. Second point is, the person you love will be a 'help-meet,' helping you to meet your true potential. That person will encourage you to follow your dreams and will be there to encourage you. Third point is, the true you will shine. In true love, you do not have to alter your personality, likes or dislikes; you are loved as you are. Too many men and women alter themselves hoping to please someone--love appreciates you for yourself. If you have to alter yourself or replicate someone else to be loved, you are portraying a lie (#2).

4. We oftentimes search for self-gratification or love in all the wrong places. Look to better yourself before you look to someone else to better you.

Sometimes we need to better ourselves instead of looking to and for a partner to better us. In order to truly be happy in a relationship, we must be happy with ourselves. If you are not happy with you, you can and will have the best partner and will (no doubt in my mind) mess that person or relationship up.



Advice of the Day

"You must first know yourself before you can be known with someone else. Hiding behind a relationship or in a fantasy does not mean the reality is any different.:

--PrettyChiq