Relationship Advice: Reality Check Part Three

"It is through truly bad can we truly appreciate the good."

--PrettyChiq

 





Things are as bad as we make them; a relationship is no different!

It is all based on our perspective. You miss the train or bus, you're annoyed. You miss the train or bus that gets into an accident and there are causalities, you feel grateful. You still missed the train. I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. I have learned some people rely on bad experiences to learn? My advice is to rely on the good and bad experience both....appreciate each step of your journey .

I am saying, 'stop questioning things and learn to live with ease. Live in love, and be contented.'

I can recall speaking with a friend of mine, and my friend was complaining about not being able to open up to her boyfriend. I believed my friend's boyfriend, despite their frequent ups and downs, was a good man and had the potential to be a great man. Based on the things she have told me, he was trying, as most men are, in the process of self-discovery and growth. I sympathized with her. Oftentimes, we are so focused on the things that goes wrong, we are unable to savor and appreciate the beauty in the many things that have gone well and are good. My friend, I am, many woman, and many men I know, are not different; we fixate on what we want and forget the big picture....

So let's get to it.

By the time we get to 25 years old, many people know what rejection feels like and/or knows how it feels to be hurt or have been hurt. A lot of people have not been able to take that painful experience for what it is...a lesson to teach them something. Many people fixate on what they can do different, and cannot let go of the pain...their pain. I would like to say it's okay, but it is not.

"Living in the past can and will hamper your progress in life. It will prevent you from being able to see life for what it really is...a beautiful journey. We owe it to ourselves to shed the rags of our painful past and look to the fabric of our bright future. Let go of the hurt and live."

--PrettyChiq

 

My father always says, "What's for you, you will have it." My father believes we are destined to have what is ours, it is our birthright. A relationship is no different. My personal experience makes me realize this; if I am destined to be in any relationship, there will be a way. As I get older, my father's principles makes sense. Too many men and women in relationships wonder what they can do differently. I was told, you cannot control the minds of men and women. People are who they are; if they are wicked, they are blatantly so. Those who are good, are beautifully good. I have learned it does not matter how much you love that man, if he's not ready to be loved...then you are wasting your time. It does not matter how well you treat a woman, if she does not know what it's like to be loved, cherished, sexed and/or care form...she will never appreciate you....It is all in the way we view things.

 

Story-time: 

#1: There was this woman. She was a beautiful woman, married to a fairly successful man. Her husband was a doctor, a simple man. This woman was given everything she asked for; her husband provided. She would oftentimes complain to everyone she knows that her husband was a slob, he always let the toilet seat down (messing it up) and left the socks in his shoes. After 20 years of contact nagging and ridicule, her husband walked out the door for work one day and never returned. She was mailed the divorce papers.

 

#2: There was this man. He was a handsome and successful man; a well-dressed doctor. Whenever he introduced his wife, people would stare and gossip. His wife was a plain woman; a simple and humble woman. His family insisted the wife of a successful doctor should be well-dressed and should 'carry herself with class.' This man forgot he loved his wife for her simplicity, appreciation for life and genuinely caring personality. Like everyone else, he ridiculed his wife. His wife snapped one day and took his children and left.

 

Lesson learned:

#1: No man is perfect. Sometimes we have to change how we look at things. This woman focused on the bad and not to good; she had a husband her friends prayed for. A day like today, this woman often tell other women, "If I knew what I know today, I'd let him piss on the floor. I had a good husband."

 

#2: Every woman is not the picture of beauty, some women are pleasantly simple. That doctor dated many woman, glamorous ones, after his wife left and remains unfulfilled.

 

Do not let people and society dictate your preferences. Do not let your past hinder your future. Both the man and woman from my stories are single today. Life and the decisions we make are based on our perspectives.

____________________________________________________________________________________

 

 



Honestly, getting over a bad relationship is like growing out of your  awkward phase. It was awkward, and you probably had insecurities and shame. When things started to blossom and you grew into your looks--you realized how great those same awkward features were...are. Same goes for that bad, abusive or just shameful relationship. You should learn from them. Do not let them consume you and change your core. No person is worth it, no experience either.

When we are young, we thought as young people thought--with limited visions and insight. As a get older, through our experiences, we gain more insight. Some of us are not fortunate to have the positive experiences or opportunities to have witnessed healthy and loving relationships. Stuck in the past and with our limited perspective, we may become the same things that we most dread. Wanting and needing instant gratification, for whatever insecurities or feelings of inadequacy we may have been harboring, can be detrimental to us overall. Most importantly, it is often times difficult to admit and hard to see that a bad relationship is just that--a bad relationship!

 

 

 



The beginning to getting over a bad relationships begins with acknowledging the relationship is bad. We may see good in people; they may be good. Sometimes you and that person are not compatible, recognize that. 

 

2. Once you've recognize it's bad, recognize why it is as bad as it is. Recognizing something is great. The next step is to ask yourself why. Realize leaving one man for another does not solve the problem; you need to realize why you chose that person, what he or she lacked, and acknowledge what you need to make a healthy relationship work.

 

3. List the things that made it bad. To understand a relationship you need to list what made it so difficult. Reasons that made the person so 'horrible' as well as yourself and factors that caused such. Blaming someone else is not always the answer. Growth also starts with acknowledging our weaknesses, as well as strengths, and realizing there is much growth to do. Embrace both good and bad.

 

4. List why you were attracted to that person and that relationship. As you list the bad; you also need to list and acknowledge the good. You need to decipher the good qualities you cherish. Assessing both good and bad allows you to realize, whether you consciously do so or not, face the important and necessary qualities you list for a mate.

 

5. Once you are able to recognize these things, it is much easier to stop the trend, but there is one last thing to be done. Recognize what you bring or do not bring to a relationship. Place yourself in your partner's shoe; what's lacking and what's good? This is difficult to do, but in your search to better or for a better relationship, you also need to seek self-improvement. A relationship (a whole) is only as good as the people (the parts) that makes it. You are not perfect. If you wan the perfect relationship, you too need work; no one is perfect.

 

Getting over a bad relationship is not easy. You should not look at that relationship in a negative way because at one point or another you valued it. You should continue to acknowledge all relationships in your life; they are opportunities, both good and bad, to better yourself--mature a little. Instead of harboring negativity that can cloud your vision and block opportunities, recognize those relationships for what they are--life lessons. Live, learn and grow always!



 

 



A relationship between people have just that, two people. The blame for the relationship going and being bad is dependent on those two persons. Whether you did the wrong or it was done for you, you had a choice to not do it or to not put up with it. Realizing that you have options in life is important. Recognizing your worth and the necessity to be good and kind to others is much needed. Once you recognize your worth, you would carry yourself as such--a person with class, integrity and morales. The purpose of this blog to allow people to recognize getting over a bad relationship starts with:

• Changing one's perspective of relationships
• Recognizng it is bad
• Forgiving yourself for doing wrong or having/allowing wrong to be done to you
• Giving others a chance to be forgiven
• AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, moving on...whether it's with the same person (via forgiveness) or with someone else (finding a new relationship)

Life is too short and beautiful to be in an unsatisfying relationship. People have to recognize their worth and live according. You may say that you can never find someone like the person you are accustomed too, and it's true--you can always find worse or better. Just the possibility of being able to find better or allowing someone else to grow is worth trying. Living a life of regrets is not. So as you get over that relationship that had or have you questioning yourself, realizing you are worthy of being loved and being treated properly. Take the step if necessary to focus on you. Once you know what you stand for, then you automatically know what you will not take or put up with!



Never forget that God is love! It is a beautiful thing! Never give up on it or lose faith. Just recognize bad relationships and get out of them or improve them! Recognize your worth and how you should be treated! With this in mind, you are one step closer to being in a beautiful, fulfilling and loving relationship!



Remember to live life like it's worth living!

--PrettyChiq