Love Is Not Enough; Set Limits (Relationship Advice)
When in love, we oftentimes believe the best of people--we also see what we want to see.
Many women and men fail to realize the men or women they love can change overtime. Life has a way of 'softening' or 'hardening' people; it all depends on your nature--whether you're naturally a loving or hateful person. I have learned some people create the perfect image of who they believe someone wants them to be....My ex was no different, he created the image of the loving son that adores children and does not drink or cheat....while he really resents his parents, cheats and does drink. I became a victim of a web of lies. Over the years I have come to realize a man or woman obsessed with something is the most dangerous person I can know. My ex was obsessed with possessing women. While some men are obsessed with fame, money and power...he was and is intrigued by conquering and using different women--fulfilling his broken ego and searching for himself. Why am I telling you this story? Well...for two reasons.
1. You can be as supportive as you want, if someone is not ready for support, he or she will not care. They will do what they want despite knowing it's wrong and you do not deserve it. Realize this and live life.
2. Be weary of people...in and outside of a relationship. People are in the business of branding themselves to become who they believe you and society wants them to be. I watch my little brother be my mother's loving son and my adoring brother....while in the same hour disrespect 3 little girls. A man, as well as a woman, is a different person with everyone he or she may know. Never assume you know anyone.
So lets begin...
I met my ex sometime in 2009, I believe the summer of...it was so long ago. We were both waiting in the computer repair shop for our laptops...turns out we had the same type and same issues. I didn't notice him till 2 hours later and I felt his stare. He patiently waited for me to get ready to leave before approaching me...'any man that will wait patiently for 2 hours for a woman to finish her errands is a man that deserves a shot' I thought...I gave him my number and a random encounter turned into daily conversations on the phone, trips to his home and countless memories....fast forward 3 years later. He lied....
For three years, he led to me. He became the man I wanted based on the things I told him; he pretended to be supportive and loving when he was deceitful and filled with anger. I did not know till it was too late; I believed I had the man I wanted, the degree I wanted, graduated college with honors and everything was perfect. We fought, we made love, we were in love (or so I thought) and everything was as it should be. I was on cloud nine...then I signed onto Facebook and noticed an ugly woman with my man's arm wrapped around her....I was hurt....I left him...He spent years convincing me to return to him and I wouldn't lie, we had cycles of being on and off. Each time I couldn't open up to him; I was too hurt....
I've spent years since that day trying to escape the webs of lies this man tells. Despite the many women he lusts after and dates, he continues to offer me 'a relationship' he's not willing to invest in. I'm telling you this story to say, some men are comfortable in their devious ways....leave them to their own demise. A man returning to you is not flattery; it merely means he's comfortable returning and feels as though he can. I watch so many women brag "he always comes back; I got it like that." I oftentimes wonder, "if it is like that, why leave in the first place." A revolving door in any relationship is unhealthy...It is not okay to use someone. It is not okay to believe people are 'waiting to be picked up where you left them.'
I left my ex in October of 2011 and have no regrets...Since then he has tried numerous occasions to get me back, not because he loves me but because his ego is scarred. My father has thought me the art of self-respect. A boyfriend, turned into a casual friend, into a complete stranger and I have no regrets. I have given him my ultimatums and had stated my claims; there is no reason running after a broken man or relationship it's better to let it go. If you're having difficulties leaving a relationship I have two stories for you that can change your mind:
Story A: I knew a woman who told me leaving her ex-husband was the best decisions she has made. This woman explained to me she met her 'beloved' when she was 17....he was very good looking and she by no means was not. This woman was a good 'church-going' woman and very driven. They got married when she turned 22 and expected their first child not too long after. This woman states she noticed her husband became less responsive to her and would come home late. One of her friends informed her that her that it was rumoured her husband was cheating on her...She was hurt. She was a nurse and primary bread winner in their home. Upon realizing she was pregnant and her husband was cheating on her, this woman made the courageous decision to leave him...She filed for a divorce. Her ex husband is now lying 6 feet under...After years of cheating and sleeping with countless women, he contracted HIV/AIDS and died of complications of such. The woman is HIV negative and does not have AIDS. She is remarried and has 4 children.. This woman said, "If I was foolish and didn't respect myself and my values, I'd be laying in a grave next to him." Sometimes walking way saves lives.
Story B: I met another woman and she told me her story. She got pregnant at 18; and her boyfriend made a public ridicule of her. While she was 6 months pregnant, he ex boyfriend's girlfriend 'beat her up.' This woman said she decided to leave him to set an example of her unborn child. After 2 months of depression, the women had her child...it was a girl. 6 months later she met a man who loved her and adored her child. This woman married that man and 30 years later, they are still happily married. Her daughter is a successful lawyer and the woman has her own bakery. This woman said, "When I see my ex, there is not an opportunity he does not tell my husband how lucky he is, and I know...I mean look at me...I have such a beautiful heart." Indeed, this woman has one of the most beautiful personalities you'll ever meet.
Story C: My Story: I met my ex and had to choose between him and a guy I was dating named Don...two Dees I called them. Don made 6 figures and worked in finances; my ex worked in construction. I wasn't looking for money, but admired his character and what I thought was a loving nature. He spent years creating web of lies to keep me while cheating on me; I was supportive. After returning from my family vacation after graduation I realized a woman posted a picture of she and my man as her profile picture....such a simple act hurt me. I left. I continued tot have countless signs that he was not for me. A trip to see a patient of mine turned into a conversation about men, I showed her his picture and she pointed him out to be her 'great-nephew's best friend, reassuring me he was a big 'playboy' and had girlfriends from the Bronx to Brooklyn. I was devastated, but had my trip booked for Hawaii. I went on vacation and had my closure. My ex has tried countless times since that trip to get me back but emotionally, I am spent. I realized a long time ago his nature is to be a 'dog' and that's who he will always be. My father always said, "Men show affections by actions and women by emotions."
Ladies this post is to warn you. Be aware of people who will pose to be what you want them to be. Instead of being unhappy with a pretentious man, open yourself to finding a man who compliments you. If you love to kiss, let a man who loves to kiss find you. If you love to shop and travel, find a man who's comfortable with you. Sometimes walking away will lead you to a better man and relationship...or more peace and happiness.
Realize people change and when they do, they change at their own pace, rate and for their own benefits. Changing a man is never the answer to happiness; he will resent you. The man you held and cuddle one day can be the same man that makes you nauseous the next...People change. You cannot blame yourself for the nature of men; people are who they are. God, self then others.
Set limits! Limit those who come into and out of your life and how they do so. I believe everyone is beautifully, uniquely and wonderfully made, do not let anyone treat you as though you are not. Limit the 'revolving door' relationships and open yourself to those who love you and to love. You are worth it! Remember to live, love, and laugh; God is love!
Good luck!
--PrettyChiq
-PrettyChiq
Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away and continue to live and appreciate life.
-PrettyChiq
1. You can be as supportive as you want, if someone is not ready for support, he or she will not care. They will do what they want despite knowing it's wrong and you do not deserve it. Realize this and live life.
2. Be weary of people...in and outside of a relationship. People are in the business of branding themselves to become who they believe you and society wants them to be. I watch my little brother be my mother's loving son and my adoring brother....while in the same hour disrespect 3 little girls. A man, as well as a woman, is a different person with everyone he or she may know. Never assume you know anyone.
So lets begin...
I met my ex sometime in 2009, I believe the summer of...it was so long ago. We were both waiting in the computer repair shop for our laptops...turns out we had the same type and same issues. I didn't notice him till 2 hours later and I felt his stare. He patiently waited for me to get ready to leave before approaching me...'any man that will wait patiently for 2 hours for a woman to finish her errands is a man that deserves a shot' I thought...I gave him my number and a random encounter turned into daily conversations on the phone, trips to his home and countless memories....fast forward 3 years later. He lied....
For three years, he led to me. He became the man I wanted based on the things I told him; he pretended to be supportive and loving when he was deceitful and filled with anger. I did not know till it was too late; I believed I had the man I wanted, the degree I wanted, graduated college with honors and everything was perfect. We fought, we made love, we were in love (or so I thought) and everything was as it should be. I was on cloud nine...then I signed onto Facebook and noticed an ugly woman with my man's arm wrapped around her....I was hurt....I left him...He spent years convincing me to return to him and I wouldn't lie, we had cycles of being on and off. Each time I couldn't open up to him; I was too hurt....
I've spent years since that day trying to escape the webs of lies this man tells. Despite the many women he lusts after and dates, he continues to offer me 'a relationship' he's not willing to invest in. I'm telling you this story to say, some men are comfortable in their devious ways....leave them to their own demise. A man returning to you is not flattery; it merely means he's comfortable returning and feels as though he can. I watch so many women brag "he always comes back; I got it like that." I oftentimes wonder, "if it is like that, why leave in the first place." A revolving door in any relationship is unhealthy...It is not okay to use someone. It is not okay to believe people are 'waiting to be picked up where you left them.'
I left my ex in October of 2011 and have no regrets...Since then he has tried numerous occasions to get me back, not because he loves me but because his ego is scarred. My father has thought me the art of self-respect. A boyfriend, turned into a casual friend, into a complete stranger and I have no regrets. I have given him my ultimatums and had stated my claims; there is no reason running after a broken man or relationship it's better to let it go. If you're having difficulties leaving a relationship I have two stories for you that can change your mind:
Story A: I knew a woman who told me leaving her ex-husband was the best decisions she has made. This woman explained to me she met her 'beloved' when she was 17....he was very good looking and she by no means was not. This woman was a good 'church-going' woman and very driven. They got married when she turned 22 and expected their first child not too long after. This woman states she noticed her husband became less responsive to her and would come home late. One of her friends informed her that her that it was rumoured her husband was cheating on her...She was hurt. She was a nurse and primary bread winner in their home. Upon realizing she was pregnant and her husband was cheating on her, this woman made the courageous decision to leave him...She filed for a divorce. Her ex husband is now lying 6 feet under...After years of cheating and sleeping with countless women, he contracted HIV/AIDS and died of complications of such. The woman is HIV negative and does not have AIDS. She is remarried and has 4 children.. This woman said, "If I was foolish and didn't respect myself and my values, I'd be laying in a grave next to him." Sometimes walking way saves lives.
Story B: I met another woman and she told me her story. She got pregnant at 18; and her boyfriend made a public ridicule of her. While she was 6 months pregnant, he ex boyfriend's girlfriend 'beat her up.' This woman said she decided to leave him to set an example of her unborn child. After 2 months of depression, the women had her child...it was a girl. 6 months later she met a man who loved her and adored her child. This woman married that man and 30 years later, they are still happily married. Her daughter is a successful lawyer and the woman has her own bakery. This woman said, "When I see my ex, there is not an opportunity he does not tell my husband how lucky he is, and I know...I mean look at me...I have such a beautiful heart." Indeed, this woman has one of the most beautiful personalities you'll ever meet.
Story C: My Story: I met my ex and had to choose between him and a guy I was dating named Don...two Dees I called them. Don made 6 figures and worked in finances; my ex worked in construction. I wasn't looking for money, but admired his character and what I thought was a loving nature. He spent years creating web of lies to keep me while cheating on me; I was supportive. After returning from my family vacation after graduation I realized a woman posted a picture of she and my man as her profile picture....such a simple act hurt me. I left. I continued tot have countless signs that he was not for me. A trip to see a patient of mine turned into a conversation about men, I showed her his picture and she pointed him out to be her 'great-nephew's best friend, reassuring me he was a big 'playboy' and had girlfriends from the Bronx to Brooklyn. I was devastated, but had my trip booked for Hawaii. I went on vacation and had my closure. My ex has tried countless times since that trip to get me back but emotionally, I am spent. I realized a long time ago his nature is to be a 'dog' and that's who he will always be. My father always said, "Men show affections by actions and women by emotions."
"Sometimes we meet people for them to teach us how to love others and what not to do, take or accept. A tough experience can be a positive...it can make you appreciate the good in those who are good."
--PrettyChiq
Ladies this post is to warn you. Be aware of people who will pose to be what you want them to be. Instead of being unhappy with a pretentious man, open yourself to finding a man who compliments you. If you love to kiss, let a man who loves to kiss find you. If you love to shop and travel, find a man who's comfortable with you. Sometimes walking away will lead you to a better man and relationship...or more peace and happiness.
Realize people change and when they do, they change at their own pace, rate and for their own benefits. Changing a man is never the answer to happiness; he will resent you. The man you held and cuddle one day can be the same man that makes you nauseous the next...People change. You cannot blame yourself for the nature of men; people are who they are. God, self then others.
Set limits! Limit those who come into and out of your life and how they do so. I believe everyone is beautifully, uniquely and wonderfully made, do not let anyone treat you as though you are not. Limit the 'revolving door' relationships and open yourself to those who love you and to love. You are worth it! Remember to live, love, and laugh; God is love!
Good luck!
--PrettyChiq
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Love And Relationship Advice