To Be Legendary
"Sometimes people have reasons why they don't have time for you. It's not you, it's them. People are busy trying to make themselves legendary. Everyone wants to be acknowledged and accepted."
--PrettyChiq
Throughout a person's quest to find him or herself, that person seeks to make him or herself legendary. This is a concept that is extremely difficult to understand and grasp, so after speaking to my besties, I finally got some answers. Now this is strictly my opinion so here it goes:
As we mature, we seek to find a place in society, amongst the people we most cherish and admire. The pressure becomes more intensified as our friends and peers begin to get married, have children, and the twenties seems to have an inevitable end to it. We are told...
But we tend to realize, we are judged oftentimes by the material possessions and accomplishments we have acquired. Soon we look to ourselves, our peers, and others and compare our accomplishments. Then the pressure intensifies and we seek to make a name or ourselves. We seek to gain the validation from the people we love the most, oftentimes neglecting ourselves, our happiness and our own goals.
--PrettyChiq
I was conversing with one of my best friends about feeling unappreciated and alone. She basically said to me, "...Have it ever donned upon you that sometimes it's not you? [That person's] trying to make a name for himself. You're not a priority right now because you cannot be the priority at the moment because he's his priority--he's trying to be legendary." I was a little annoyed yes, but this is not an issue I alone have. This is an issue every single one of my female friends have, whether it be with a significant other or a male friend. They cannot understand how and why men cannot prioritize their lives better.It was drown to my attention by a friend of mine that being a man is not easy. Here goes a conversation that helped me to write this blog:
Homeboy: "We have to stay strong, protect people and are somehow expected to not show emotions. If and when we show a little emotions, we're sissy...So we don't show shit, and then it's like we're heartless. When we show it, we're gay? I've learned at a young age, less said, better for me. Can't fight a woman's perspective."
Me: I smiled but was a little taken aback. So I asked him what he meant.
Homeboy: Somehow the female psyche thinks we're these superhero that's 'bagging' (sexing) hundreds of women, making millions of dollars, and never cries.
Me: I laughed.
Homeboy: But in actuality, we are forced to expect less, give more and bottle-up all our emotions. To me, it's too difficult at times because all we need and want is an encouraging word or silence at times."
Me: I smiled.
It never donned upon me, we all seek to make ourself a name. In the process, we can forget that other people are human-beings. It is very easy to allow our expectations of people and their expectations of themselves to prevent us from truly cherishing those we love. It never donned upon me till now much much men do hide about themselves, thinking society expects it of them. As a woman, I many times forget that it is not easy to work, go to school and try to be the perfect citizen to society. So who's there to encourage our brothers, cousins, boyfriends, and husbands throughout this difficult journey of manhood because all I can recall is older women in my life saying, "He's a man, he's suppose to do that. Men don't cry, they make things happen."
"Tears are never a sign of weakness, but of strength that's temporarily broken. It's OK to allow one's self to shed the angry and pain, letting go of those things only make you stronger!"
--PrettyChiq
1. Many men seek to make a name/brand for and of themselves (they seek to become a legend). There comes a point in every man's life, whether it's because of a woman, his child(ren) or for what ever reason, he feels pressured into bettering himself. Many times we expect them to be knights, Prince Charming, Hercules-like figures or intellectual geniuses with great bodies and even better conversations.- We do not expect, like ourselves, they men come with issues
- They come with low self-esteems, insecurities, and fears
2. As these men seek to make themselves legendary, , they may say, do and oftentimes fail to do the things necessary to accommodate and prioritize the important things and people in their lives.- Allow them to be themselves
- It is the expectation within many, if not most, cultures throughout the world, that the man proves himself worthy of being called a 'man'. Each society have a different standard, and honestly, it's something most men feel as though they have to accomplish to be fulfilled. We need to respect this and allow them.
"We do not always agree with how and why people do what they have to do, but respect differences. When you see someone try, encourage them. Too many times we can all benefit from an encouraging word or nothing at all. Sometimes silence with your presence is all someone needs."
--PrettyChiq
3. In this quest to be legendary, make a name for themselves, they may not know how to prioritize a relationship or other areas of their life.- If you can, try to teach them
- If you are the area in his life he cannot prioritize, do note you are not. Do not force yourself on him or try to be. There is a time, place and moment for everything--romance is no expectation.
- Force yourself on a man and be the reason why he fails at his quest and he will resent and hate you...Don't be that person. Besides, you can't be egocentric all the time. To love someone, whether it be a father, brother, husband or boyfriend, is to want the best for him, even if it means understanding that he's trying to better himself. Respect that!
"Do not be that person that limits or changes the goals other others. Do not directly or indirectly impact the dreams others have. In your quest to feel and be important, allow others to be themselves and to flourish freely. Be supportive or do not be at all. Nothing is worst than a person who breaks the spirits of others--knowingly or unknowingly"
--PrettyChiq
As I get older, it's becoming very difficult to read men. I have come to realize this is because much more is expected of a man than there is of a woman. As a result of such, we paint or expect them to be these great mythical, almost legendary characters--superheros, Prince Charming, Hercules-like figures--while they like ourselves, are just human. Being they are human-beings, and men exude the same emotions we do. They have the same fears and desires we have--different concentration yes, same thing.As we all get older, we should realize the need to allow people to be themselves. Sometimes this comes at the cost of possibly losing that person. While this may be true, you have to realize that if you can lose someone--they person was not meant for you. We oftentimes make people into what they should not be. If you want better for yourself, you must surely want the same for the person you love, male or not.
There many times in my life, college especially, when it was incredibly difficult to concentrate on anything or anyone but myself and God. I was able to give 60% of myself, but never 100%. I was fortunate to have many supportive people by my side cheering me on. For this reason I was able to allow the people closest to me to focus on themselves. There is nothing more rewarding and aspiring than to see the people you love do the things they love. There is no way true happiness can breed jealousy and contempt--and while I may have moments when I seek to be the center of their live, this understanding that they are trying to make themselves 'legendary' (great) makes me happy.
I am encouraging us all, as successful women, to encourage others around us--men including. Knowing better, we ought to do better. When we see the flaws and faults in others and we know ways to help that person, we should politely do such. Life is not about just bettering ourselves, but bettering our existence.
Advice of the Day
NEVER FORGET TO!!!!
Hopefully this blog helped.
--PrettyChiq
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