Deciphering Relationships (My perspective)

"Everyone wants the perks of a relationship, no one wants to make the sacrifice. We're living in days when Cinderalla no longer have her appeal as Divorce Court seems a must and 'hoes' are no longer garden tools used to clean the garden. Truth remains, we're in the days when polygamy is norm and monogamy seems to be abnormal. So is it ever worth fighting for?"

--PrettyChiq

 

 

 

"There is no such thing as the perfect man or woman. No one is perfect but God. When you're seeking perfectiong seek him. People will each and every time disappoint you. You disappoint yourself at times, what make others so different?"

--PrettyChiq

 

I have watched many great relationships form and even greater ones end. I watched friends with great relationships complain about their significant others, as ones with none complain about what the do not have. This is not directed to any of my friends, but is genuinely based on my experience and what I have genuinely observed.

 

I have come to realize, people do not know how to relate or to have, keep or form relationships in my generation. They lack all the tools and qualities necessary to grow a nurturing and successful relationship. Why? They do not know themselves, where they come from, and most importantly--where they want to go or be!

 

Yes, I know you're sitting there like O.M.G, what made her come to this conclusion, and who does she think she is? But then again, this is my observation and this is as honest as I can put it based on what I've seen and have experienced.

 



PART A: Soul-Mate

 

So first thing what I want to address is this...

1. THERE IS NOT SUCH THING AS THE PERFECT SOUL MATE.....

 

Our society have ingrained in our heads, that there is a perfect someone out there waiting for us. Someone that is going to transform our lives in a way that's magical--Cinderella, Prince Charming...I'm going to say there is no such person. There is no prince or princess that's coming to save you or me from our problems. There will not be fireworks, there will not be confetti. In fact, there will be stress, anguish and distress.

 

When a person is your soul-mate, it does not mean that person and you are destined to be together forever and are meant to be. It means that the connection between you too is one that at one point moved your soul. You have developed a connection with that person so deep that it makes you uncomfortable. You will run, hide, fight or even hate that person. It will be the one person you do not want or did not envision as being or having such an influence--being that your soul, or spirit, was weak or open to that person's influence at the time--your souls mated.

 



 

"There, however, is nothing worst than two souls mating without God's glory and purpose being the purpose of this relationship. It will fail."



--PrettyChiq

 



 



So let me break this down in bullets:

1. The soul is the single most powerful thing we have out of our body, soul and mind. It is that spiritual component that we most certainly associate with as our conscience. It is the spiritual side of us.
2. A soul mate is not someone that you have to be romantically involved with, but will compliment you in a way you'll never know or can imagine. Someone who's your soul mate will have you questioning your spiritual beliefs if they are not the same as you, will cause you to do and say things you'd never thought you'd ever say.They will convince you somehow to want to change yourself.
3. This connection is so deep that you somehow can't find yourself letting go of the relationship no matter how unhealthy it may be.
4. There may be many people who can affect our souls and not be persons who need to. We must be very careful as to what we tell and show people of ourselves.
5. In order to protect ourselves, we have to be in touch with ourselves. This means getting in touch with our inner-self. We have to learn what upsets us, what we love and do not love. What we must have in a relationship etc.
6. Most importantly, we must have some spiritual foundation to protect our souls. Whether you have a spiritual foundation or not, you'd be an ass to not believe there is no such things as higher power when countless of movies, books and tales have been invented saying such...denial is never a good thing. Ignorance really does kill, and dying spiritually and emotionlly creates the emptiest of people--develop substance.

So now that it can be realized that a soulmate is not necessarily someone that is going to wisk us away into the happily ever afters. Why do relationships fail again?

PART B: Why reltionships fail?
Relationships fail simply because people do not or are not sure of themselves. We are evidently always ourselves, that does not change. Our bodies are what they are, but outside of being physical beings, we are also emotional and spiritual beings. What I have found, after listening to many relationship problems and having some of my own is the following:

1. People are literally missing their history. They literally do not know where they come from. Because they are missing links or are 'fragemented' they do not feel as though they are whole. As a result of not knowing where they come from, or seeking that missing link, they do not believe they have or they do not develop a plan for the future. I was always told, you have to know where you're coming from to know where you are going. I say that's B.S. It's nice to know where you come from, but knowing what you know, you can still make a decision on where you want to be and do not want to be. Don't let people make you feel bad because of things you cannot help. If you can learn and know your history, you'd be a fool to not make a conscious effort to do such,
2. People do not know themselves. The craizest thing to hear is someone say their significant other does not make them happy, and when you ask them what they want, they say..."I don't know." How can you expect someone else to do something you don't even know? Not only are you delusional, needs a slap and sound downright crazy, but you make no sense. If you do not know what you stand for etc. how can someone else get to know you?
3. People say who and how they are, and we ignore them. We love to view people from our perspectives, and not as they truly are. Honestly, if people show you who they are, believe them. I'm not saying verbally, but through actions. There is only so much that can be hidden with time. The truth always reveals itself.
4. Oh, people are quick to hop into bed and to accept people into their lives without checking and getting to know them. There is  reason why people courted before they dated. Why marriages were arranged. Why the Bible said the body is a temple.Why a woman is to keep her body only for her husband. According to the Bible, everyone we've slept with is our husbands and wives. This makes sense why people get so emotionally connected after sex is introduced in a relationship. You're not suppose to be parting your leg wildly with everyone. Besides, with time, people tend to show who they are and what they want.
5. People do not dedicate their relationships to God. How can you expect a relationship to work today and not bless it?

There are countless other things but these are the top 5 things I see occurring over and over again. You don't know your history, yourself, God and have no standards with who you allow into your life and wonders why nothing comes of something so shaky and so uncertain!



PART C: 'Wifey' is not 'Wife', Do Not Fool Yourself
This is something I'm just going to address because it happened to pop into my mind. I constantly see many girls, beautiful, with so much going for them, referring to themselves as 'the wifey'. I was told by my father, "When a man sees and finds a wife, it's a good thing. A man knows when he has found his wife, and he'll do anything, everything and whatever is necessary to make sure she is and remains his wife as long as he views her as such." A 'wifey' is not a wife, and a woman would be foolish as to live with or live as such. If a man wants a wife or wants the perks of having a wife, let him marry you and then and only then should he get such. Till then, he have or should have a loving mother or sisters to help him with cooking, cleaning and all that--or should know how to do that himself.

The minute a man calls you his 'wifey,' leave him. There is not reason why he needs to add to -y to wife, unless he's literally thinking Y should I ever or should marry this one when she's comfortable. It's usually a term of endearment used to keep you comfortable and hopeful for a committment leading to marriage. It's not cute referring to yourself as a 'wifey,' it's like saying you do all the work with none of the perks or security.

PART D: People are a product of previous relationships
Yes, baggage comes with all relationships whether someone has had one or have not had one. As long you've witnessed the relationship dynamics between a parent, you automatically develop baggage. Realize many times these baggage can and will affect your relationships. You have to be honest and address them. Does not matter whether your relationship is 'perfect' now, all relationships have tests. You have to find some form of counseling, whether you speak it out or seek professional help.

PART E: People do not come with manuals
Because people do not come with manuals, it is ok to realize mistakes happens. People are human. There is always always a solution to every problem. The problem have to be worth trying to solve also. Forgiveness, understanding and wisdom are things that are a must in all relationships.

These random thoughts came to mind because no matter how young and old, I have watched many people divorce or part ways. As people change, we have to decide whether we want to change with them. We forget to realize as people changes, so does the dynamics of our relationships. It is ok to not follow up on all relationships if they are not worth it, but stop trying to make something work that you do not feel worth working at. Relationships are about two people relating to each other--compromising and willing to meet each other at a place where they can become a functional unit.

If you know you're not in a place where you can invest in a relationship, accept it. Do note spreading legs and having sex does not mean one is in a relationship. If anything is means one is mating.

Hopefully my thoughts bought some form of clarity.



Advice of the Day

***Life live and Be Grateful***

 

--PrettyChiq