Relationship Advice: Reality Check Part Two

How can you expect someone to love and cherish you when you cannot, do not and will not love and cherish yourself? If you're worthless to yourself, chances are you will be treated as such. Never met royalty who treated themselves like peasants. Remember people respect and treat you only as you allow yourself to be treated. Get it together, relationships are built not found.

--PrettyChiq

 





Every relationship begins with oneself. The first thing to address is who are you?

 

Too often I hear people say they want the perfect relationship, yet they cannot tell me what their view of a perfect relationship is. They oftentimes do not even know themselves much less what they want from someone else. How can someone else know what you want or can give you what you need if you don't even know what that is? How can you expect someone to fulfill you, and accompany your dreams if you don't even know yourself or what you want?

 

This has always bothered me, so I decided to write my first relationship blog about it!

 

FIND YOURSELF BEFORE YOU ABUSE, ACCUSE AND REFUSE THE BEST THINGS AND POSSIBILITIES AROUND YOU!

 

 



I cannot lie, I too am guilty of wanting the perfect relationship and not knowing what I want. I knew it have to do something with being adored, cared for and respected--but beyond that nothing. I needed and desired the perfect relationship, yet had no decent foundation of my own to build one--and expected someone else to do it for me. What I did not expect was--he knew as much or as little about building, keeping or growing any sort of a relationship. In fact, I found the kind of man that ran from anything emotional, only because that's what he's seen and is expected to do.

 

So I had several problems:

• Loving someone and not knowing how to love myself
• Wanting something I did not know I want
• Not knowing how to keep a relationship
• And expecting him to know how to do it

It wasn't till I realized that nothing he could do was going to make me happy because I was naturally unhappy with myself, did I begin to realize what I want and did not want from any relationship. I was listening to a close friend speak to her significant other on the phone and she said, "I wish you would...and you use to..." I sat there stunned and listened as she emotionally violated and defeated a man who I thought was trying his best to make her happy. A man, like many others, who had self-esteem issues he confided into her. The problem with this friend of mine is, as my problem was also, that she could have had the best man in front of her and he worshiped the ground she walked on, but she have never known.

 

So I'm going to address it now:

 

STOP ASKING FOR THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT OR CANNOT HANDLE! You get the things you need, and should learn from them. Only when you have accomplished each different task or learned each lesson will be truly have the final test--the ultimate relationship, a healthy one (not a perfect one).

 



 

So many women I know complain about not having a relationship or not being married, but when a man comes into their life that's compatible but challenges them, they automatically make every excuse in the book to not be with him. Really? Last I checked the person for everyone according to the Bible is a 'help-meet.' This is a person that will help that person meet his or her own true potential. This does not mean 'happily ever after,' or an easy journey. It means if the relationship is one with true potential and can lead to marriage, you will find yourself growing. That person will not only challenge you to be and do better--but against your will. I know too many people that feel intimidated by their significant other, and ran. They felt they were not successful or driven enough. On the other hand, I know many people who rose to the occasion. People who found inspiration and not just great sex, motivation and not just praise, and found a sense of fulfillment that cannot be compared to any other romantic relationship to date.

 

The person for you may not be your conventional beauty--most men confess the women they married are not the women they thought they would. Many women, no matter how beautiful, confessed the satisfaction they've felt with their 'beloved' is not one of a physical nature, but one so emotional and spiritual it seems almost inhumane.

 

Remember that:



So I'm going to say this:

 

STOP LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO COMPLETE YOU...LOOK FOR A PERSON TO COMPLEMENT YOU.

 

Too many people are walking around looking for someone to complete them. That's just plain old stupid and pointless. Find yourself or start searching. Focus on learning how to please yourself--physically, emotionally and spiritually. I've heard women complain that they have the perfect man, but he's awful in bed. Really? If you know what makes you happy, then teach the man--supplement toys, masturbate--it may just be your perspective or the technique that's wrong. I also know women who are in the presence of many great men and cannot for the life of them shake away the pain an ex caused. If you are so invested in your past that you would allow an ex to steal from you an experience worth a lifetime, then maybe you don't deserve the man you're with.

 

Once you have completed yourself, or are in the process of bettering yourself--only then can you really appreciate and recognize the gifts others have and grow. When you find someone it is as simple as this: that person brings or plays a meaningful role in your life. Now the reasons why and how you'll find or be with that person will vary, but it will be something you are missing or need to learn.



 

I was once told: IF YOU CANNOT GROW OR FIND YOURSELF LEARNING IN ANY RELATIONSHIP--RUN!!!

 

If you are honestly sprung on an ex, find a way to get over it. If the things your significant other have done hurts or affects you, break up with them. Then start over. What's wrong with closing one chapter, burning the book and starting over. Many great novels have many different versions, being it's your story, you write it!

 

But the major focus of this first blog is incredibly simple--find out what you really want for yourself. Don't even equate your future or significant other in it. Seriously write it down. Look at it and seriously determine if the person have those qualities or possesses the ability to get them. You'll resent someone and yourself if you do not take the opportunity offered now to move on or make things work. And honestly, most relationship issues start, begins and resides in the actual person who have the. I say this because many times I've fought with my significant other, I was in a delusional fight by myself about something or someone he did not view important or worth fighting about or for.

 

Prioritizing yourself allows you to recognize what you want, do not want, and will not take or want. FOCUS ON YOURSELF. YOUR RELATIONSHIP BEGINS WITH YOU, WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER AND CANNOT OFFER!



 

Assignment (Just for thought)

Till the next post:

• Write down what you want
• Write down the 3 most significant relationships that have affected you
• 3 relationships you admire
• 3 relationships you never want to mimic
• 3 qualities you must have in a relationship
• 3 qualities you will not put up with

DO NOT REPEAT ANYTHING! Then we'll decipher those things in post #2!

 

 

Image of the Day

 

 

Remember, you are worth loving, but till you love and find the worth in yourself, others cannot truly know, cherish and treat you as you deserve. Life's worth living, live it!

--PrettyChiq